Film: The universal language

Today, I have a review of Semi-Pro, the new Will Ferrell comedy, in Variety, and a review of The Band's Visit (above), the acclaimed Israeli-produced dramedy, in the Houston Chronicle. Hey, do I cover the waterfront, or what?

How low can Oscar go?

From the Associated Press: "Nielsen Media Research says preliminary ratings for the 80th annual Academy Awards telecast are 14 percent lower than the least-watched ceremony ever." Ouch.

Oscar Night in Hollywood

"The point is not whether there are bad motion pictures or even whether the average motion picture is bad, but whether the motion picture is an artistic medium of sufficient dignity and accomplishment to be treated with respect by the people who control its destinies. Those who deride the motion picture usually are satisfied that they have thrown the book at it by declaring it to be a form of mass entertainment. As if that meant anything. Greek drama, which is still considered quite respectable by most intellectuals, was mass entertainment to the Athenian freeman. So, within its economic and topographical limits, was the Elizabethan drama. The great cathedrals of Europe, although not exactly built to while away an afternoon, certainly had an aesthetic and spiritual effect on the ordinary man. Today, if not always, the fugues and chorales of Bach, the symphonies of Mozart, Borodin, and Brahms, the violin concertos of Vivaldi, the piano sonatas of Scarlatti, and a great deal of what was once rather recondite music are mass entertainment by virtue of radio. Not all fools love it, but not all fools love anything more literate than a comic strip. It might reasonably be said that all art at some time and in some manner becomes mass entertainment, and that if it does not it dies and is forgotten." -- Raymond Chandler, 1948.

Blogging Oscar: Picture

And so the evening's revels end. No big surprises, no terrible disappointments. I can think of other 2007 movies I liked more than No Country for Old Men -- hell, I can think of other 2007 Best Picture nominees I liked more -- but I seriously doubt that, decades from now, film buffs will ever look back at this year's winner and say, "Gee, how did that movie win?" Which, let's face it, is more than you can say for some winners.

Blogging Oscar: Director(s)

Does this mean Joel and Ethan Coen now are, officially, grizzled veterans? Part of the establishment? Well, so what? Good for them. They deserve it.

Blogging Oscar: Actor

Great moment: Daniel Day Lewis gets down on one knee to Helen Mirren (much like any man would, when in her radiant presence), and then, clutching his Oscar, cracks: "That's the closest I'll ever come to getting a knighthood." Don't be sure, Danny. A few more performances like the one you give in There Will Be Blood, and the real Queen of England may be paying her respects.

Blogging Oscar: Original Screenplay

Diablo Cody is dah winnah!!!!!

And all you Juno haters: Gaze upon her deed, and despair!!!!

Blogging Oscar: Original Score

Bravo to Mario Marianelli for his terrific Atonement score -- which incorporates perhaps the best use of clickety-clack typewriter keys in any movie since All the President's Men.

Blogging Oscar: Cinematography

Glad to see Robert Elswit get an Academy Award for his work on There Will Be Blood, but jeez louise, will Roger Deakins -- double nominated for No Country for Old Men and The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford -- ever get an Oscar?

Blogging Oscar: 10:01 p.m.

Don’t know if it was Jon Stewart’s idea to bring Markéta Irglová of Once back to give her own acceptance speech for co-writing “Falling Slowly,” but to whoever made the call: Classy move. Thanks.

Blogging Oscar: Song

"Falling Slowly" from Once: Yessssssssssssss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (And no, not just because I'm Irish.)

Blogging Oscar: 9:47 p.m.

Foreign Language Film: I must confess, I haven't yet seen The Counterfeiters, or any of the other four nominees. But I'm sure -- absolutely sure -- that some cynics will be quick to say, "Oh, the Academy gave an award to another Holocaust movie!"

Blogging Oscar: 9:38 p.m.

The “80 Years of Oscar” montage: Simple. Splendid.

A third Oscar (Editing) for The Bourne Ultimatum: Much deserved. As for the film itself: Three nominations, three wins, making for a 1.000 batting average. Not shabby.

Blogging Oscar: Actress

A few days ago, I confidently wrote: "[Marion] Cotillard could conceivably score an upset with her acclaimed portrayal of French singer Edith Piaf – but, unfortunately, leads in foreign films seldom bring home the top prizes. (Do Academy members hate to read subtitles, or what?)" Waiter, could I have an order of crow, please?

Blogging Oscar: 9:08 p.m.

Seth Rogan and Jonah Hill pretending to be Halle Berry and Judi Dench as presenters.... well, not too funny. But kudos to The Bourne Ultimatum for two Sound awards.

Blogging Oscar: Adapted Screenplay

Joel and Ethan Coen: Again, was there ever any doubt? (BTW: I had forgotten they’d already won an Oscar, for Fargo.)

Blogging Oscar: 8:37 p.m.

If the audience at the Kodak Theatre didn’t laugh much at Jon Stewart’s “Oscar tributes” to “bad dreams” and “binoculars and periscopes” – well, sometimes, satire can cut a little too close to the bone.

And speaking of the audience: How many people there in the Kodak (and how many TV viewers) were looking closely at presenter Owen Wilson, to see if they could spot any residual sign of… well, his recent troubles?

And is Tilda Swinton's well-earned Supporting Actress win a good sign or a bad sign for Michael Clayton in other categories? (Great acceptance speech, BTW. Even George Clooney seemed to enjoy the Batman and Robin crack.)

Blogging Oscar: Supporting Actor

Javier Bardem: Was there ever really any doubt? Despite – or maybe because of – “one of the most horrible haircuts in history” on his head?

Blogging Oscar: 8:14 p.m.

Just curious: These mini-interviews with former Oscar winners (Michael Douglas, Barbra Streisand, etc.) – were they originally taped as part of the “Plan B” for a strike-hobbled Oscarcast without working writers or live stars?

And why was Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson introduced simply as Wayne Johnson? Did he ask for this? Is this part of his ongoing evolution from actor-wrestler to just-plain-actor?

Blogging Oscar: 7:59 p.m.

The “80 years of Oscar” montage? Sweetly nostalgic, instantly forgettable. But credit the writers for giving Anne Hathaway and Steve Carell a genuinely clever intro while bestowing the Best Animated Feature award (to, of course, Ratatouille). And credit Katherine Heigl’s own make-up artists for enabling her to channel Marilyn Monroe so vividly while handing out the award for Makeup (to La Vie en Rose).

Blogging Oscar: 7:48 p.m.

What the hell is this? Best Costume Design (Elizabeth: The Golden Age) is the first award of the evening? I thought Supporting Actor or Supporting Actress traditionally kicks off the evening?

Blogging Oscar: Opening monologue

How funny was Jon Stewart? He even got Tommy Lee Jones (a nominee for In the Valley of Elah) to laugh at a joke about audiences avoiding movies about the Iraq War. Great stuff, good start.

Blogging Oscar: Opening sequence

Everything from Bonnie and Clyde and Easy Rider to Transformers and The Terminator in a computer-crafted mash-up. Cool.

Blogging Oscar: Prologue

Do I have any last-minute additions or deletions to my Oscar predictions? Not really, though I may have been too facile in describing Atonement as "the sort of glossy Brit period piece that often gets the grand prize..." Actually, Joe Wright's intimate epic (masterfully adapted by Christopher Hampton from Ian McEwan's acclaimed novel) is an exquisitely crafted and eloquently acted romantic tragedy about the fatal power of words and the terrible caprices of fate, building inexorably toward a final sequence that vividly illustrates both the irresistible impulse to rectify the past thorough art, and the immutable truth that some wrongs can never be righted. Could it pull an upset? We'll soon find out.

A final round of Oscar handicapping

MovieMaker writers -- including yours truly -- offer their picks.

Speaking of the Spirits

The Lookout received the Best First Feature award at Saturday's Independent Spirit Awards. Good choice.

A public service for my readers

You no doubt clean the outside of your computer screen to remove any dust or oil on it. But because of its magnetic properties, dust and oil can also occlude the inside of the screen. Here is a nifty aid that will clean the reverse side of the screen for you.

Will the Spirit keep moving Juno?

Congrats to Juno for three big wins -- Best Feature, Best Female Lead (Ellen Page) and Best First Screenplay (Diablo Cody) -- at Saturday's Independent Spirit Awards. But can the Little Indie That Could pull a Barack Obama and keep the winning streak going? Tune in Sunday night and find out.

Razzie dazzled

Speaking of Lindsay Lohan: I Know Who Killed Me -- which should never, under any circumstances, be confused with I Trust You to Kill Me -- dominated the list of the dissed Saturday at the 28th annual Golden Raspberry Awards (a.k.a., the Razzies).

The naked truth about Lindsay Lohan

From Advertising Age: "Have you ever wondered why Lindsay Lohan, who hasn't shown much skill in chosen fields such as acting or singing, gets so many magazine covers?" A snarky question, to be sure, but it's hard for me to dispute the answer offered by Nat Ives. On the other hand, I'm not altogether sure the troubled actress has chosen the best of all possible role models.

Oscar night: Yep, I'll be blogging

Like most other folks who blog about movies, I'll be posting before, during and after the Oscarcast on Sunday evening. Please drop by and join the fun, you'll be more than welcome. I promise to keep the snark to an absolute minimum.

The Tonto Woman

As we approach the final countdown for the 80th annual Academy Awards, it's worth noting that 3:10 to Yuma isn't the only Western based on an Elmore Leonard short story among the nominees. While the two-fisted, straight-shooting drama starring Russell Crowe and Christian Bale competes in the Original Score and Sound Mixing categories Sunday evening, an adaptation of Leonard's The Tonto Woman will be vying for the Live Action Short prize. You can see clips from the 35-minute flick here and here, and a trailer here.

Film faves: Wind rules

Just in time for Oscar weekend, there's a new Harris poll listing the top ten all-time favorite films of U.S. moviegoers. That the No. 1 spot goes to Gone With the Wind isn't at all surprising. But I think you'll agree that No. 7 is something of a shocker.

The future may not arrive as quickly as you think

According to David Pogue of The New York Times, "the Internet movie download era is more distant than pundits think, for four colossal reasons."

I Could Never Be Your Woman

When a movie involving high-pedigree talents such as Michelle Pfeiffer, Paul Rudd and writer-director Amy Heckerling goes the direct-to-video route -- well, you have every right to expect the worst. Unfortunately, I Could Never Be Your Woman lives down to expectations.

A mild case of Oscar fever

As we wind down to the final days of hype and hoopla for the 80th annual Academy Awards, hundreds of thousands of normally rational adults -- including quite a few who haven't bothered to actually see a movie in a theater since the Carter Administration -- are heatedly debating the odds for and against this or that nominee. For many folks in my racket, this is the very best time of the year, a bodaciously ego-boosting period when our opinions are actively sought (if only to be angrily disputed or derisively mocked) by colleagues and civilians stricken with that most discombobulating of diseases: Oscar Fever.

And yet, even I try to sound sagacious while providing sound bites or quick quotes to fellow journalists on tight deadlines, or tips to friends placing bets in their office Oscar pools, I can't help feeling slightly foolish, if not downright hypocritical. Because, truth to tell, I've never understood why so many people devote so much time, effort and emotional intensity to handicapping the annual horserace hosted by the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences.

Sure, the Academy always gets the final word in defining Oscar-worthiness. But you must remember this: The Academy is nothing more (or less) than a trade organization. The Academy of Tile Cleaners might vote EZ Duz-It as Best Mildew Remover of 2007, and that title might carry some prestige because, hey, the award was voted by experts in the field. But that doesn't mean I must accept that judgment call. I might prefer to buy Takes-It-Off mildew remover instead, especially if my neighborhood Grocery Megaplex store is running a triple-coupon special. Likewise, if you think Knocked Up or Superbad is infinitely better than the five finalists for Best Picture honors, well, are you going to change your mind because a few thousand Hollywood insiders say you're wrong?

Try as I might, however, I rarely manage to persuade editors with this kind of logic. Several years ago, back when I toiled for the now-defunct Houston Post, I foolishly suggested to the entertainment editor: "Look, let's not bother with Oscar predictions this year." Instead of agreeing, the editor -- sounding a great deal like one of the village elders in Shirley Jackson's "The Lottery" -- replied: "We must have Oscar predictions. We have always had Oscar predictions. We always will have Oscar predictions. Readers want Oscar predictions…"

OK, OK, I get the message.

So, here we go again. The envelopes won't be opened until Sunday, but I'm already ready to soothsay. As usual, I'm offering my personal choices as well as my predictions, along with honorable mentions of the non-nominated. In two categories, my picks and their picks are perfect matches. Which only goes to show you that, just as a stopped clock can be correct twice a day, even the Academy can get it right once in a while.

BEST PICTURE

NOMINEES: Atonement, Juno, Michael Clayton, No Country for Old Men, There Will Be Blood.

OVERVIEW: There Will Be Blood and No Country for Old Men appear to be the early favorites. But both films may be too darkly despairing for the delicate tastes of many Academy members. And, more to the point, they could split the vote in the final tabulation. Juno is a long shot – comedies rarely claim the Best Picture award – and Michael Clayton may be viewed (wrongly) as lacking sufficient gravitas. All of which means Atonement, the sort of glossy Brit period piece that often gets the grand prize, could – repeat, could -- slip into the winner’s circle. But would Academy voters really make such a… well, such an idiosyncratic choice? To be brutally honest: I haven’t a clue which horse to bet on in this race, so I’ll cop out and pick a frontrunner.

WILL WIN: No Country for Old Men.

SHOULD WIN: Michael Clayton.

SHOULD HAVE BEEN A CONTENDER: Knocked Up.

BEST ACTOR

NOMINEES: George Clooney (Michael Clayton), Daniel Day-Lewis (There Will Be Blood), Johnny Depp (Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street), Tommy Lee Jones (In the Valley of Elah), Viggo Mortensen (Eastern Promises).

OVERVIEW: Looks like a showdown between over-the-top (Day-Lewis, Depp) and close-to-the-vest (Clooney, Jones, Mortensen). And in this category, traditionally, flamboyance trumps understatement.

WILL WIN: Daniel Day-Lewis.

SHOULD WIN: Tommy Lee Jones.

SHOULD HAVE BEEN A CONTENDER: Adam Sandler as the emotionally devastated dentist in Reign Over Me.

BEST ACTRESS

NOMINEES: Cate Blanchett (Elizabeth: The Golden Age), Julie Christie (Away from Her), Marion Cotillard (La Vie en Rose), Laura Linney (The Savages), Ellen Page (Juno).

OVERVIEW: Christie would seem the prohibitive favorite here, for reasons both sentimental (she’s a much-admired actress who hasn’t received an award since 1965’s Darling) and cynical (she plays a woman suffering from Alzheimer’s Disease, and Oscar voters love to reward people who essay afflicted characters). Cotillard could conceivably score an upset with her acclaimed portrayal of French singer Edith Piaf – but, unfortunately, leads in foreign films seldom bring home the top prizes. (Do Academy members hate to read subtitles, or what?)

WILL WIN: Julie Christie.

SHOULD WIN: Ellen Page.

SHOULD HAVE BEEN A CONTENDER: Christina Ricci as the sexpot who gets a shot at redemption in Black Snake Moan.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR

NOMINEES: Casey Affleck (The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford), Javier Bardem (No Country for Old Men), Hal Holbrook (Into the Wild), Philip Seymour Hoffman (Charlie Wilson’s War), Tom Wilkinson (Michael Clayton).

OVERVIEW: This award is Bardem’s to lose. He won’t.

WILL WIN: Javier Bardem.

SHOULD WIN: Tom Wilkinson.

SHOULD HAVE BEEN A CONTENDER: Jeff Daniels as the sardonic blind buddy in The Lookout.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS

NOMINEES: Cate Blanchett (I’m Not There), Ruby Dee (American Gangster), Saoirse Ronan (Atonement), Amy Ryan (Gone Baby Gone), Tilda Swinton (Michael Clayton).

OVERVIEW: Back in 1983, Linda Hunt earned a Supporting Actress award for playing a male character in The Year of Living Dangerously. This year, history could repeat itself, and Blanchett might grab the golden statuette for her attention-grabbing turn as Bob Dylan. But Ryan’s breakout performance as a slatternly, substance-abusing Bostonian will be hard to beat.

WILL WIN: Amy Ryan.

SHOULD WIN: Amy Ryan.

SHOULD HAVE BEEN A CONTENDER: Bae Doo-na as the straight-arrow heroine in the Korean-produced monster mash The Host.

BEST DIRECTOR

NOMINEES: Paul Thomas Anderson (There Will Be Blood), Ethan Coen and Joel Coen (No Country for Old Men), Tony Gilroy (Michael Clayton), Jason Reitman (Juno), Julian Schnabel (The Diving Bell and the Butterfly).

OVERVIEW: It’s hard to believe, but Ethan and Joel Coen have been around long enough to qualify as grizzled veterans. And we all know how Oscar voters like to honor grizzled veterans, right? Think of this as a kinda-sorta Lifetime Achievement Award for the siblings whose joint resume also includes Blood Simple, Raising Arizona, Miller’s Crossing, Fargo and O Brother, Where Art Thou?

WILL WIN: Ethan and Joel Coen.

SHOULD WIN: Ethan and Joel Coen.

SHOULD HAVE BEEN A CONTENDER: Julie Taymor for the lovely, lyrical and phantasmagorical Across the Universe.

4 Months, 3 Weeks and 2 Days

There’s something bracingly restorative about a movie as stark and austere as 4 Months, 3 Weeks and 2 Days. Sort of like, say, Robert Bresson’s L’Argent or Jean-Pierre and Luc Dardenne’s Rosetta, Cristian Mungiu’s bleakly fascinating view of life in Romania near the end of Nicolae Ceauşescu’s iron-fisted rule can clean your palate, sharpen your senses -- and scour the gunk that accumulates on your sensibilities after prolonged exposure to junk like Strange Wilderness and Meet the Spartans. Seriously.

From Hell It Came (Again)

Just wondering: Do you think the folks who came up with that commercial saw this movie at an impressionable age?

R.I.P.: Roy Scheider (1932-2008)

"You're gonna need a bigger boat!" Delivering that single, splendidly spot-on line of dialogue -- in Jaws, of course -- was more than enough to eternally ensure for Roy Scheider a warm spot in the hearts of movie buffs everywhere. (Of course, it didn't hurt that he also said, in the very same movie, "Smile, you son of a bitch!")

But for some of us, the lean and leathery actor with the bluntly chiseled profile will remain most fondly remembered not for his engaging turn as a small-town sheriff battling a Buick-sized shark, but rather for his drop-dead brilliance as Bob Fosse's stressed-for-success, razzle-dazzling autobiographical alter ego in All That Jazz, the go-for-broke, shoot-the-moon musical fantasia that deserves honorable mention on anyone's list of the greatest and most audacious movies of the 1970s. I am not ashamed to admit that, the first time I saw this masterwork in 1979, the gut-punch impact of Scheider's final exit (which, I swear, I most certainly did not see coming) caused me to burst into tears. Bye-bye, life, indeed. Jeez, I can still hear the sound of that damn zipper....

Other notable Scheider credits include his harder-than-hardboiled cops in The French Connection and The Seven-Ups, his frantic film noir antiheroes in John Frankenheimer's 52 Pick-Up (adapted by Elmore Leonard from his own novel) and Jonathan Demme's deeply flawed but oddly engrossing Last Embrace -- and, no kidding, his one and only turn as a romantic comedy lead in Sidney J. Furie's Shelia Levine is Dead and Living in New York. And before you say that Scheider and Furie are names you don't normally associate with romantic comedy -- well, that's part of that 1975 curio's oddball appeal.

And the Grammy goes to...

Among the early Grammy Award winners announced Sunday: Short Form Music Video. The winner: Johnny Cash's version of "God's Gonna Cut You Down," directed by Tony Kaye (American History X, Lake of Fire). Great, great choice. And props to Justin Timberlake.

And, while we're at it, props to another Grammy winner.

R.I.P.: Barry Morse (1918-2008)

Barry Morse (above, right) earned iconic status in the 1960s as Lt. Philip Gerard, relentless pursuer of the wrongly convicted Dr. Richard Kimble (David Janssen, left) in The Fugitive, which boomers as diverse as myself and Stephen King still cherish as one of the coolest shows in the history of TV. Faithful viewers couldn't help hating the poor guy during most of the series' four-year run. (I vividly recall reading a mid-'60s magazine interview in which Morse complained, only half-jokingly, about strangers accosting him in public places and chiding him for tormenting that "nice Dr. Kimble.") Fortunately, however, the British-born actor got a chance to "redeem" himself in the famous final episode, when Gerard saved Kimble's bacon by -- bang! -- dropping the hammer on the elusive "one-armed man." (I loved this episode so much that, when it was aired as a daytime rerun, I played hooky from high school to re-watch it.)

Many boomers may also remember Morse as Prof. Victor Bergman in the '70s sci-fi series Space: 1999. And theatergoers throughout Canada -- where Morse spent most of his professional life -- doubtless have equally fond memories of his performances at the Shaw Theatre Festival and other venues. (An odd coincidence: Just a few months ago, while I was covering the Toronto Film Festival, I attended a preview screening of Eastern Promises at a moviehouse that had once been home for a theatrical company. Among the framed mementoes I noticed on the lobby wall: A poster for a stage production of Gore Vidal's Visit to a Small Planet starring and directed by -- cowabunga! -- that dude who used to chase David Janssen.)

And yet, really, with all due respect to those and his many other credits: All it took is one key role in a classic TV series to ensure Barry Morse's immortality. "He thought it was a good show — well filmed, well directed and well acted," Hayward Morse, the late actor's son, told the Associated Press. "He had nothing disparaging to say about The Fugitive." No kidding.

When is "one week only" really not only one week?

When there's more money to be printed -- er, that is, when there are more tickets to be sold.

Celebrity endorsement

Of course, some candidates might be a tad hesitant to have this guy supporting them. Just think what happened the last time he got behind a Presidential candidate.

Can a Lightsaber cut through Superman?

Come one, admit it: You really want to know the answer to this one.

Super Bowl commercials blog-a-thon

5:37 PM -- I wonder how many people below the age of 30 caught the Godfather allusion in the guy-screaming-in-bed Audi commercial?

5:47 PM -- Of course, I also wonder how many people remember the Steve and Doug Butabi characters (from Saturday Night Live and A Night at the Roxbury) referenced -- through music, and a cameo by Chris Kattan -- in the Diet Pepsi Max commercial. Maybe the ad guys are getting a little too arcane with their pop-culture references?

6:04 PM -- The Wanted spot doesn't look much different than the coming-attraction trailer that's been running in theaters for quite some time now. Shorter, maybe, but not much clearer concept-wise. And, worse, no surprises. IMHO: A wasted opportunity to fine-tune the hard-sell.

6:06 PM -- But the giant pigeons for Fed Ex? Cool.

6:14 PM -- Isn't it a bit late in the day -- very, very late, in fact -- for a Rocky-themed beer commercial? Even Rocky Balboa is more than a year old.

6:17 PM-- Uh-oh. The Iron Man teaser looks a little... well, a little cartoonish, maybe? Or, worse, a little Hulk-ish (as in the first Hulk movie -- or, more specifically, the notorious Super Bowl commercial for that 2003 flick)?

6:19 PM -- But Leatherheads looks funny.

6:38 PM -- The Princess Narnia spot tells me: More of the same. If you liked the first one, you'll like this one. If you didn't, you won't. Will be interesting to see if cable and homevid exposure for Episode 1 will increase the audience for No. 2.

6:42 PM -- The Pepsi spot tells me: Justin Timberlake has a sense of humor about himself. Also reminds me: He deserved more props for his self-effacing turn in the under-rated Black Snake Moan.

7:25 PM -- Enjoyable set by Tom Petty. (But, then again, I'm could hear "Runnin' Down a Dream" four or five times each morning during my workday commute, and never think punching up a new station on my car radio.) On the other hand, Semi-Pro looks... stale.

7:45 PM -- Clever Wall-E spot, establishing the Disney/Pixar link to Toy Story in a way both simple enough to appeal to kids and hip enough to amuse older audiences.

7:53 PM -- In sharp contrast to the aforementioned Wanted spot, the Jumper spot rethinks its own coming-attraction trailer(s) to clarify the central gimmick -- and the dramatic conflict. (I have to admit: This is the first time I've had any idea why Samuel L. Jackson's character is such a party-pooper.) Good move: At this point in the football game, many viewers may be too, uh, fuzzy-headed to grasp subtle ironies or complex concepts.

8:13 PM -- James Carville and Bill Frist come together with a Coke and a smile. OK, maybe I'm easy, but I laughed out loud. Haven't done that since the giant pigeons.

8:16 PM -- But You Don't Mess With the Zohan? Didn't laugh. At all.

8:27 PM -- A second chance for Semi-Pro. Funnier. And, yeah, this spot may get more use -- as an ad for Bud Light.

9:06 PM -- And what do you know? The game wound up having more suspense, and a more jolting surprise finish, than most thrillers released in recent years. Congratulations, New York Giants.

She's bleeping Matt Damon

Priceless. (Hat-tip to Andrew Sullivan.)

Bleak Wilderness

For those of you who have always wanted to see what Harry Hamlin might look like after being sliced in half by pygmies -- and you know who you are, so don't try to be coy -- I've got just the movie for you. And if you've always wanted to see Steve Zahn get fellated by a turkey -- that's right, get his pecker pecked -- well, it's a two-fer.